I Wish I Knew
I wish I knew how to love you without fear,
beyond the illusion of my own security,
I wish I might, could, I wish perhaps,
understand the motive behind my own
controlling personality disorder.
That is what it becomes when love begins to interfere
with the logic of time,
the illicit nature of human condition finding rhyme
in the imbalance of a disastrous state of mind.
Look beyond the sheltered ego,
and know the caverns of disingenuous filtered response,
will only return with echoes
rather than the hopeful absolute of love.
If while I could watch a sunrise, I might know exactly where you are,
then perhaps the colors, the hue, the miracle
of life’s natural beauty,
would compel me to let you be the person you need,
rather than tossing demands with selfish motive,
to distract your world and seek my own recline.
I talk a good talk, she mentioned to me one day,
when after the tears, beyond the frightened stares,
he would acknowledge his less compelling confidence
in knowing she is worthy of far greater care,
than he could ever provide given his sense of
We all walk through walls, sometimes with unnatural ease,
solid concrete that would stop stone boulders,
suddenly an avenue of solace
allows the mind to carve beyond the mortar,
to seek another place,
the other side of pain.
If I could redesign my day,
if suddenly I was given a chance to wake from nightmares,
and start again,
to love again,
to appreciate in words the beauty of you,
If I might take a walk while the sun is setting,
I would ask the reward of forgiveness,
I might listen rather than plead,
stop begging and give allowance,
recognize the sacred nature of respect,
only now is my enlightened world suggesting
this apology is for you.