I need to be clear. This blog will gradually become my place to heal. Those readers that follow, well I appreciate your eyes, your read, your compassion, and your patience with who I am and who I become … I am a person whom has become completely alone in one sense of the word. In many other aspects I am very connected with my colleagues, my children, my people that I interact with every day. In other words, I really haven’t anything to complain about if this was truly the life I did wish to live. The problem is it is not.
Today is Valentine’s Day – it is not a day I’ve ever relished. When I was younger and without someone on this day, I would spend the hours envious and morbidly sad. Over time I became one of the anti -V day contingent enjoying the sarcasm and cynicism that comes with the territory. Years later I did marry, and since we have celebrated a dinner for the past nearly three decades. This year we stayed home, and while she watches TV, I write in this blog, something that has become routine in recent years.
Up until around four years ago, I was convinced I would live out this life in the rather quiet manner I have, trying to be content and yet always aware that there might be so much more out there in my life. I spoke to someone once who said if you are going to be happy, you need to take action. I have reasons to not, it’s complicated. So today I continue to reflect. I looked back a year ago, and found a letter that said the same as anything I have written time and time again. I then went back two years earlier, and discovered the reason I am still here.