A winter’s night, sweet passion that left the windows of our car steamed waiting for that handprint from a famous movie. Yet we weren’t filming, we were simply making love, and trying to turn hours into minutes because we knew soon we would leave ourselves to another world we were becoming increasingly less familiar.
Though there was tension. The words, ‘Is this all there is’ had become a regular mantra that he wasn’t able to overcome, he couldn’t find the right words. Like an Eagle’s medley every night that he could, he would be out the door heading to her side of town. They’d meet halfway, a familiar spot, their hide away. The kiss would become some lasting memory that we each couldn’t wait to begin, our hands everywhere, the heat of our passion letting winter’s fierce presence melt around our lives.
We began our good-byes, it became apparent something was changing. Again, driving over I had made a decision. after 2 1/2 years I could no longer hide my feelings. I needed to tell her, but I was so scared. I was afraid my words would change us forever. I had to let her know, the whole drive over, the night before, every night, all I did was think about her. I knew I was truly falling in love with her.
She stepped out of my car, put her hand on my window and mine on hers, and I rolled the window down and said, ‘I love you’ and she stopped, paused, turned and gave me a strange look, and asked me what I had just said. I was so scared, I said nothing more, just shook my head. It was at that point I thought I had made a huge mistake and had made the fantasy too real. I felt rejected, She walked to her car, and I drove home in tears. I think we took one more drive after that and it was not a pleasant one. We never said good-bye, we just drove away.
Apparently there were calls to our phones at work the next few weeks. I didn’t know, and tonight as I write this the tears I feel are the ones that wish I could go back a decade and retrace my steps, and make sure she heard my words.
I love you.