I wasn’t going to write in here anymore. I told myself to take a sabbatical from this site so that she might see I was serious and wanted to just go away. But I cannot. Everyday I have some familiarity, some moment that creates the start, and then tears, and confusion, and a battle in my head to allow silence, and everyday there’s a part of me that just wants her to see me, to know I am here, to understand that my feelings are real and will never go away.
To an onlooker that must seem a little crazy, but it is not really. We both expressed our love with one another, and we settled into a pleasure of mystique that allowed her to become my muse, that allowed her to become a part of my life. There was a time she shared everything with me, and I was there for her, and then suddenly it stopped. I know exactly when, I felt it, and I could see it in her eyes. I’ve been searching her eyes for weeks now, and I know the passion is gone, and it hurts like hell.
I’ve learned a great deal about love. I understand its bliss and magic. In contrast I also appreciate the pain that goes along with what is real love versus the facade. For me, this is real love. I expressed it over a decade ago, and now I plead my case again. It is so very difficult to let go of someone twice in a lifetime. I’m struggling, indeed.