-
Monthly Archives: August 2019
-
Living Proof
Posted at 10:50 pm , on August 24, 2019
-
Drifting Away
Posted at 11:36 am , on August 24, 2019
I may not return
said before
self-fulfilling travesty
this life
when love
finds measure
instead of what some believe
an eternal fire.
Walking away
from truth
feeds that hypocrisy
the human condition
meant only
to live
mechanics in a mundane
circle of
defeat.
I will walk
alone
yet a steadfast
pain
in my heart
will remind me
forever
hers is a love
he knew
though she pretend away
her beauty
her passion
her honesty
truth.
We act
in such a way
the frailty
of our inherent fear
steps in front
that vulnerability
will
might
does return
while the other
steps away.
Oh don’t believe
the cursed nature
of a spurned
heart
may remain
forever cold.
Seasons change.
this might be my last piece for awhile.
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
Tears Now
Posted at 12:58 am , on August 24, 2019
They are real, streaming down my cheeks,
I don’t have any music
to buffer this pain,
I don’t have any resolve,
to stop the tears,
my eyes are pouring,
I cannot see,
I can only hold on to some fading
memory.
I’m shuddering at the notion,
my hopes, my heart,
my solace,
gone,
beyond the beauty
of knowing love,
I no longer do.
I swore to myself years ago,
I would never fall in love again,
and now, I am only
‘the fool on the hill.’
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
Honesty Is Painful
Posted at 12:55 am , on August 24, 2019
I’ve been on a rollercoaster and have just
been thrown off
my world
is gravel and asphalt
the kind that stays attached to you for days,
can’t seem to get it out of my hair,
my mind, my soul,
my heart
is breaking at the notion that the cycle
will go on without me,
the highs and lows,
people with laughter,
people that love
can show each other
without fear,
with no denial,
people will now
see me only
walk
away
in a wander
fighting for what I once believed …
love
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
Finishing Questions
Posted at 9:08 pm , on August 23, 2019
The effort is difficult
a calm sky,
beautiful evening,
love is in the air,
yet,
so far away,
hard to feel it anymore,
I’m what is said,
spinning out
good reason,
love is in the air,
stifled
on a beautiful night,
all alarms are engaged,
red flags,
sordid disposition,
time is silence,
my questions asked,
good night.
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
On Feeling Stuck
Posted at 5:16 pm , on August 23, 2019
I wonder at present about an inability to move beyond circumstances that drag me and those people important to my life down. Is it simply an unwillingness, some deep seated desire to maintain a grasp upon the reality of our lives that prevents us from going forward? Perhaps it is a lack of desire to define that reality and the components that are determining the healthiness of our lives. Perhaps I am responsible for staying stuck rather than moving forward.
Well, the last sentence is pretty clear. It is me. As much as I recognize the truth of my own denial, I am still lost in the reason why I need to move on. I believe our lives are designed around emotion, and as is commonly known, we live short lives in the grand scheme of things. I will not reveal the circumstance of my dilemma; however, if you follow my blog(s) for the last couple of years, you should be able to quickly ascertain the issues that drag me down. They are certainly a self-fulfilling prophecy, a refusal to let go of that which is important, I feel to my well-being.
I’ve lived a life of ease in some respects that all the pain I have had to deal with does not measure to the crisis many people suffer through with the human condition. I have not had major medical issues that were not immediately resolved. I am not faced with a terminal illness. I have not been threatened or lived a life of fear based upon dire societal perils, so in essence, I am a whiner. However, happiness is an important attribute to one’s self awareness, and that is an area I have struggled with most of my life, as a young child, young adult, newly married man, and now having spent the majority of my life raising a family.
I have a love for my family that is measured by my state of mind, and in that statement I am revealing my greatest struggle. I feel like a loathing person because I cannot achieve a satisfaction in my world that eases the tension I feel at home. In other words, I cannot figure out ways to continue to fix my own depression, my own despair toward my life and remaining years, which could easily run into four more decades. I have been unhappy for as long in my life, and now I am faced with a crisis. I do not know if I have the energy to continue to try, I feel effortless without optimism.
Throughout my life I have been a self-described writer. I say that because officially I have been rarely published and until that time occurs, I cannot honestly feel like I am worthy of the title. That is my own self-confidence, I know, I understand, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept. In truth though, my writing is the only thing that keeps me sane, outside of another major impact in my life, the history of which I will protect. Lately, I feel even my writing suffering because of my own awareness of a negativity that surrounds my actions, my well-being.
I care about people, I deeply care about and practice a compassion for people that is effortless. I genuinely understand certain pains, and wish to be there for a person in need. I also care about myself, and I understand the importance of loving ourselves in order to love others. I think it is imperative to realize that loving someone can contribute immensely to our own self-worth so there be the struggle. I find I am helpless to proving my meaning to people, or perhaps it is my own refusal to give myself the benefit of the doubt and recognize my own responsibility to move forward.
I appreciate having an avenue to vent. I’m going to go smoke a joint now. “Just kidding,” I suggest to those that understand the detriment of our own self-destructive addictions. Ah, sounds like another chapter.
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
Just These Days
Posted at 9:48 am , on August 23, 2019
When
if
he might
reach
out
she would feel his
touch
remember when
wait
not just a time
the why
what matters then
has meaning now.
If
when
she might feel
he could
reach
with open arms
cradle
hers are silent fears
his splayed as
words
to substitute emotional
paradox.
When
if
now
he might wish
she
return with her world
he could
he would
her smile
his embrace
together
in a forever world
protect
each other
If
‘then’
eyes in eyes
touch is
sweet memory
now, eternal
is
love.
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
Underneath The Words
Posted at 8:43 am , on August 23, 2019
Do the speakers know the endgame
or can life be easily
tucked behind
door number two?
Today is instinctual
I will not forget about you
if you want
wait
remember that time
choices made
we did feel drawn
together
no words
lips and sighs and eyes …
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
A Solemn Hour
Posted at 12:52 am , on August 23, 2019
when media snaps
like a lost wood animal
forgive my synapse
© Scott F Savage 2019
-
Just A Song About Love
Posted at 12:07 pm , on August 22, 2019
Listening,
I do hear all the signal words
a ‘silly phase,’
a ‘just because,’
a ‘picture upon the wall’
covering a stain.
We live visuals in our lives,
getting tripped up,
finding a need to deny,
perhaps a settling response
to our own yearning desire
to have that moment,
the passion we feel,
felt,
knew,
know,
one time is all we need.
Last night I fell into tears,
a quiet recall,
my moment,
I could not let go,
and love …
yet waking in the morning,
listening to her natural song
outside my window.
I thought again of time,
reason, memory,
only then giving my life allowance
to never feed denial
energy to rule in favor of
forgetting you.
What is life without love?
© Scott F Savage 2019
*lyric inspired poetry, 10CC – ‘I’m Not In Love’
-
-
Recent Comments
a quiet man on Haiku Love Yernasia Quorelios on Haiku Love a quiet man on I Took A Walk Priti on I Took A Walk Priti on I Took A Walk grateful support
apersonaljourney - stories of love 