I remember the words like it was yesterday, the thought in my mind only to be of such a grace to help her understand that even though I knew there would be tough days ahead, my love was stronger than ever and my heart would always be waiting, wanting, wondering. I’m listening to ‘Tuesday Afternoon’ right now by the Moody Blues. Makes sense to me, I wonder if it might ever resonate with a person I love with all my heart and soul. I’m living in a dream this week, I’m unsure of where I might land, where I really wish to be.
There is a chill in the air that makes such words more relevant with every breath I take, I’m watching for signs that no longer exist, feeling a nostalgic draw to an image that is one of the past, suggests there really is nothing for me to look forward to anymore. I wonder how many out there are feeling frustration right now, because they can read through my feelings and their first assignment for me would be to get off my pedestal and just live my life. I’m standing in line waiting to say quite the same, but sometimes, there is an inherent fear with living out loud what we believe. There is a sudden urgency to not allow strength to interfere with that we perceive to ourselves to be a weakness. We think it outside of ourselves, because it is all we might imagine when the ruminate nature of our state of mind continues to cycle our sorrows deep within the twilight of a moon-lit winter night.
I’m floating somewhere in a horizon of disbelief, waiting for the shadows to disappear and let the rains fall gently, the sunlight warm this frozen feeling of lost abandon. I haven’t the strength or desire to move on, I’d rather recall simple beauty and those dreams that light the fire in a lover’s eyes. I’d prefer to listen to a favorite lyric and hold fantasy to the notion she might hear the same right now, right in this moment, where distance and a certain mystique separate our lives yet hold an eternal connection to what is the simple truth in the throes of a sweet love.
I think while feeling the blues of a holiday, I’m also processing just how close I feel to someone I wish I might be able to define in the manner of any old love song, any favorite poem, any enchanting melody while strolling in a lover’s arm upon cobblestone trails and wintry settings with holiday decorations would strike at the heart of a hopeless romantic in a given moment. I suppose I am writing this for all of us, and genuinely wishing a oneness occur for all of everyone to feel the words ahead.
Happy Xmas everyone, the holidays are upon us – a time to love … only that.
© Scott F Savage 2019