Should we live our life
Rife with pain so secretive
Hope is lost in strife
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Tag: death
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Distant Truth
Posted at 10:09 pm , on June 21, 2020
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Stepping Away
Posted at 5:24 pm , on May 25, 2020
I’ll not post my grief and despair
such channeling has no value to compare,
in the meantime brood me lain alone at night,
while endeavor my heart will search the green light.
© Scott F. Savage
– last post on this page
(F. Scott Fitzgerald – The Great Gatsby)
– for Zelda
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In the Shallow End
Posted at 1:33 am , on May 5, 2020
My heart is in pieces
floating nearby
the blood is pooling in battle
wit a disinfectant
chlorine.
Yet visually I cannot get away
I stood inside
some marble castle
up to my waist along
the water’s edge.
The deep end
tends to hold laughter
knowing I hand my heart over
diving inside
crystal clear shiny blues
the end of the living eyes
aquatic mystery.
if I could dive in
leave blood-stained shallows
I could go at it alone
deep rough assembly
losing sense
some physical harmony
amidst the living.
I knew I wanted you with me
eyes found staring alone, vacant
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If Clouds Would Speak
Posted at 9:06 am , on April 1, 2020
We could feel the rain
before it falls,
we could get a sense of our refrain
long before our fails.
Glancing upon the morning sky,
a streak of cloud
slide through the atmosphere,
it is that one warning peace – of mind
I’m alone at my own disposal,
an animal nearby is instinctual,
somewhat restless,
perhaps an intuitive concern.
I have a quiet demeanor,
as I see a world through the slats
of my apartment window,
this life I have now begun.
I wonder how easy it might be,
to not come back,
to suddenly be free,
less worry and all memory.
I would care about you,
wander in my ethereal
nightmare
hoping I may never hurt you.
Of course we all wish we knew,
sliding through the parallel
what would our universe be,
if a shadow could become our free.
I do think about that reality
that you and me we once used to be,
and now,
I haven’t any choice left to dream.
I only have what may be ahead of me,
in the privacy of my want to forever, see.
© Scott F Savage 4/2020
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Piecing Together Failure
Posted at 10:54 pm , on December 9, 2019
For many years
finding,
well, standing
on a ledge
a metaphor,
a concrete landing,
a body of water below
the only reason not to left in the moment,
and the beat goes on …
Spoken so many times,
such are the rooms
of a broken heart,
those epiphany drawn meetings
altogether now,
suggesting only one thing,
to live,
to move beyond the shallow pain
fill our soul with love.
Have you ever wondered,
really,
have you taken the time,
the action beyond a wish,
did you ever
stop for a moment
feel the rain against your cheek,
and remember,
it was like this,
we felt this
we both wanted,
this.
Oh God help me,
if words could let me see,
if I might never walk again,
I could at least
believe.
Yet tonight,
standing on that ledge,
watching fiction exist all around me,
I haven’t the strength
to let anyone else decide
something,
I have to …
I wish I knew I could speak beyond my sin.
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Finding No One
Posted at 5:17 pm , on December 8, 2019
Someone stated doppelganger
and we laughed,
remarked until we could no longer
imagine,
such is the truth
when we wonder
of another.
Perhaps we are curious
of their lives,
same way,
same outcome,
did your wrist burn
just the other day.
Maybe we can match up
all the scars we have today.
Wonder out loud
sometimes they might hear you,
just enough to say,
‘hey’
I’m still here
what is possibly
still in your way.
If might we make a
decision
to go another way,
we leave behind the passion
a realization once
counted upon,
would nw become
has begun a slow
deterioration.
At least that is what we say
to ourselves,
alone in the forest,
waiting for the sky
to find another twilight,
another reason to …
No one can possibly know,
except maybe,
you & me.
© Scott F Savage 2019
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What Is Fear?
Posted at 12:37 am , on July 16, 2019
Is it having your world expand,
the secrets
parts of you life you keep to your self,
pray that no one knows,
yet, it is ironic how often we have
similar travesties
we carry around with ourselves,
thinking just us
no one could possibly feel the same,
yet, we all do, we all do.
Different degrees of separation
disassociation,
we can convince our own mind,
long before we speak,
long ahead of that friend
who might
certainly be by your side
when necessary,
yet who determines
what necessitates
freedom from your demons.
Most times nobody ever knows,
they laugh about it,
imagine how ridiculous it might be
to carry out
such an insane
unreasonable decision.
Yet it happens,
next day news,
next year a memory
forever a wonder,
some will in their quiet
talk about peace
peace of mind
finding peace
inside the pain,
that internal storm
forever silenced.
We can hope, we can pray,
yet as a people, we can never
get in the way,
for it isn’t anyone’s choice
not yours, not someone everyone knew,
the choice is always the victim.
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Untitled
Posted at 11:05 pm , on April 28, 2019
Anybody know
anyone care,
is there a reason to wonder
are we all living a sham
the other day
I saw a protester
listened to their cause
the streets were wild
with anger and adversity,
her energy was visible,
and I wondered why,
I wondered who she was
why did she care so much,
what would she do next,
maybe go home,
stick her head in the oven,
tie a rope around her neck
because even though
she so publicly loved,
she believed,
she showed her passion,
suddenly when alone
who gives a shit about passion anyway!
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When The Flowers Died
Posted at 7:04 pm , on April 15, 2019
Always the birds, waking a restless soul,
this morning, their resonate voices scold
my broken heart, tossed aside, helpless,
I listened for awhile, cries were seamless.
Inside the mind we travel in abandon
sometimes a preoccupied pattern
of dismissal, denial, misbegotten fortune
when waiting patient in some setting sun.
A historic fire* occurred today, our world
shattered by the reality of dreams unfurled.
There would be tears in the embers
shattering the lives of nearby flowers.
Have faith in the goodness of our lives
There is where beauty in time still thrives
*Notre Dame – 4/15/2019
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60
Posted at 4:56 am , on March 24, 2019
I will be 60 soon, It is ironic that I have lived this long. I have never known true happiness except in parts of my life. I recently knew love. Now all I focus upon is the happiness of others.
I recently came to terms with my life. A couple of months ago I came close to death. I managed my meds wrong, and they could very well have been the end of me. I found it frightening, but more so fascinating. I have been suicidal since I was twelve years old. So this happiness thing has kept me alive. It upsets me that I have let nearly fifty years rule my preoccupation with not wishing to live. I have not come to terms with the mistake of my medical needs. More engaging is my having found a way.
In my life I help people. I care passionately about those I am close to, though not always the ones I ought to, more likely the persons I am or have found happiness. Though that foil is misery, I still hold onto hope.
I once held myself to a moment of dropping my life into a river off a high bridge. All I had to do was unclasp my fingers. I have regrets about that day. I wonder today, four decades later what my life would be like on the other side.
Good night moon, you are a lovely reality.
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