NSFW – Adults Only Please – My goal with this page constantly evolves – there was a time when all I wanted was to pique a woman's interest in the hope we connect through writing, dialogue … today, with all of the wonderful inspiration I've received, my need is to further my respect and intrigue in the sensual nature of 'woman' in all of her grace and elegance. I do hope you might enjoy!

Posts tagged “depression

Looking For My Self


Which part of our selves

do we rely upon to tell a story.

When is the mood right,

the feeling,

gives us the license to recognize just how far

the deeper end of things,

that place we’d rather never be,

is awaiting us.

 

When we get there,

is it the frozen imbalance,

the piece that allows us only to imagine,

without moving,

stationery in our self driven despair.

I remember one time looking out my picture window

the rains were evident,

and they were all hiding behind themselves,

I didn’t go outside that day.

 

I wish I could know because even despite

the time I sit alone,

I realize this is right,

where I need to be right now,

while she is

in her own peace,

quiet in the mind,

yet radiant in her smile.

 

Wherever we might be,

there seems a reason.


In Such A Low


my mother would reference this place,

a sort of mental ravine,

her heart might nearly stop,

eyes would glaze?

blood flow in her feigns might suddenly,

spill into one pool of spun lethargy.

This was not a place

she liked to be,

she’d often howl at the nature

of love and all it’s failings.

 

yet, she never discovered a solution?

only knew when inside?

not a lesser degree of pain

could ever exist.

 

where my mother was always never to pull the plug,

I might decide otherwise,

though my freedom would be sought?

there leaves a ring of memory,

clinging to everyone’s personal psyche.


Facade Aside


Inside my surface, I’m afraid to go,

in there where passionate embrace

belongs defined,

exists a monster of deceit,

part of me that always leaves me,

in cold sweats after a morning

waking in a nightmare,

not yet knowing,

I’m glad to be alive,

not where from I just came,

yet,

somehow I never let the truth reveal,

an internal pain,

this part of me that is real,

that though you think you know,

there isn’t possibly a way for them to ever understand

the real …

I know someone will say,

we all act that way,

each part of our humanity relates in the same way,

yet,

Is it true,

do you walk around thinking death out of the blue,

does your life seem to be that of a marionette doll,

the ugly sort,

not the painted elegance of a dream,

a nutcracker fantasy,

with a happy ending.

Instead does the wood seem hollow,

with a certain trip of the master’s control,

could the damage be,

so exposed,

the world might see.


Alone in Notion


An emptiness

settles my mind,

when I can know the feeling remains.

If hesitation

suggest an opportunity

the anxiety blows me,

figuratively

of course,

that literal need is always knocking

when I’m alone,

when time stands still and hours fly by,

I wonder if anyone knew

would they …

or

is it me.

Am I the solution to my need,

seems to be a sort of shallow satisfaction,

yet when is it that

preoccupation

finds an eventual happy medium.

There’s a reason I haven’t sought out

that

I suppose it’s some moral conviction,

a desire to maintain my integrity

in the midst of a pool of wanton sensuality.

Find her at home,

is my friend’s lament,

and yet,

I already know this,

I just wonder if she ever will.


When Hurt Remains


I have been places,

dark, spooky, forbidden recesses

in my mind,

around the world

well beyond my own circle of deceit.

~

I know that love

can embrace the most painful

realities, no matter the circumstance,

and while life seemingly

travels forward, I wish for solace.

~

This isn’t for me though,

despite realizing everything

generally is,

I am reaching out to accentuate

beauty without agenda.

~

I began this walk

with shallow waters to protect

my own innocence,

when slowly the current

brought me far beyond my comfort zone.

~

Yet today,

I began to wonder about yours,

how often

did my words interfere

with your own, hopes and dreams.

~

I could wonder where you are today,

find relief in knowing safe

translates your state of mind,

but I will still wander with the memory,

of who I am, who I became, who I …

~

I am something of a societal flaw,

in this realm will my own conscience gnaw.


If I Could Speak


I wonder what words would define

that fear in my eyes,

the look,

hesitant, evasive, questionable

all the diction in my mind

when

in a moment, a sensual

nirvana

appears before a hungry glance

I

didn’t know you,

yet would see you with every fantasy in my mind.

Clothed or sweet musings of

nature

would my world be a sudden

complexity

with a similar reaction

to a brace of arctic breeze,

the feel good kind.

I might rather languish in sweet pool

of beauty

when in a moment of freedom

you dance a dream

a passionate twirl of romantic nuance

breathe a slow gasp,

allow eyes to dive into seas spectacular

in passionate embrace.

I would speak of this,

of a certain desire,

inside a world sensuous,

a place where we all might find

solace

to verse, to linger, to enhance

beauty.


Friday Nights


I don’t know where I’ve gone

instead of ravishing her to

a state of trembling fury …

the delightful kind,

where she lays on her side,

having sustained a certain

path of bewilderment,

with slow strokes of her hair,

she smiles knowingly,

suggestive of another moment,

just before this recent lament.

~

I wonder where I am, what I have become,

only to find I’m just not as happy as some.