Only In Dreams

Might I find she

in the space of illusion

holds promise to Her eyes

some element of fashion

an intrigue is fantasy.

 

Clearly we met

within waves of wonder

the instance

in familiar panic,

the fear of ‘what if’ now.

 

Spoken word omits

itself in a dream state

only her vision

satin elegance

my own trepidation.

 

Emily

looked at life in an

Illusion

her quiet ‘diadem’

a silent retreat.

 

Oh if our poets could with their fever

Like a Dickinson dream love forever

Losing My Muse

The truth is, years ago, I fell in love with a woman who one day decided her life was moving in a different direction and I was left behind. My recovery took many years, in fact a friend of mine, one time pointed out that for several days all I did was talk about the loss, and I needed to change my focus.

So I did, after some time, I knew I was still in love, but ironically, I found out she had been sleeping with my best friend for months, so suddenly everything made sense, and I started to get past my broken heart. The one thing I said to myself was that I would never fall in love to such a degree again.

Jump a few years later and I decided to settle down with a woman whom had similar goals as mine – we got married, but I knew going in – this is a sad reality – I would never love again the way I had. I would simply be content. We have beautiful children together and we made a life. Sadly though I’ve never been happy, and I cannot imagine she has been. Despite it all we stayed together.

Embedded within all of this common reality is an experience I discovered while in grad school. Many years ago, I met a woman whom carried a similar energy as my own. We began writing letters and discovered a love for words, something I had missed with a woman for many many years. we then took it a step further and became intimate, spreading years between those early days of romantic parchment to now an enticement with one another. One day, in the winter, very much like our present season, I felt I must tell her that I loved her, and I did, but she heard me wrong – and the timing unraveled our affections. We had been walking around with an ‘is this all there is’ and I was afraid to tell her that I loved her because I thought I would lose her. It back fired and we fell apart. I returned fully – as much as possible – to my marriage, a broken and confused man – struggling with my reality, while a woman I loved faded out of my life.

I looked for her over the years, knew where she was but let her go. I even deleted her phone number so I wouldn’t be tempted. It wasn’t until years later I discovered she would call my voice mail with certain music that touched my heart.

A few years ago, a decade after we had gone our ways we did encounter one another, and over the course of several months we realized we were both quite in love, and our courtship outside of our marriages began again. We expressed our desires at the same time knowing we could not maintain the level of passion we experienced together but we always assured ourselves we probably would never leave this in the same circumstances as years ago.

I had found my muse and the mystique of her beauty and elegance became again, as it was without her directly in my life, the drive for my sensual poetry. Now, I am in a place where I no longer have the inspiration and that aspect of my writing is impacted, so I struggle with my words.

The one true thing I will finish with is I’ve just written a fantasy that I hope you the readers might have enjoyed. Because, there seems no reality in my words.

So now my days are spent searching for my muse, knowing love once again played its harmony with great zeal and slapped my heart and soul with disparaging abandon.

The Wonder of Time

If I might in the quiet of my silent memory

imagine a kiss, soft, a velvet touch

a naked shoulder,

fingertips that would play upon welcome

sweet response, asking my hands

to stay there forever.

 

If I might remember just when

a time we could laugh,

with such unbridled release of our

own inhibitions,

we did,

we traveled far, quickly,

it was love,

a passion that did define my soul.

 

If I might, if I could,

if everything that began

might revisit, remain, return

in some manner

to allow me to realize

this was real

without leaving me wandering

alone

in a wonder of disbelief.

 

If I could, might I sweet always dream.

What It Is We Feel

When we look outside,

the physical landscape,

know the seasons,

understand the dawn,

when we look at the world around us,

we have a reason to wonder where we are.

 

One might suggest it is what we

allow to wander throughout our mind,

what it is

causes me to decide

that she is my central focus, and how

desire steps in silent with a strong arm.

 

Walk inside the world of a dreamer

realize how far we can reach,

what it is we believe, we fantasize, we hope

might be the shelter from this our

constant storm,

this we realize is the key to who we might want to be.

 

Who we are,

what it is,

what we want,

how we wander,

how wish is our dream,

what we feel,

 

how is it why we ever did begin to feel,

to know the love I know for you is real.


~ finding my way, a personal journey ~

for Zelda

Occasional Fantasy

Those moments

when gasps accelerate

the notion of passion that

coveted imagination

allows the mind to travel

inside the fantasy

of sweet alluring desire,

the idea of release,

a wanton wish

to travel inside her world

while she might indeed wrap

her own lips around

his select posture,

the two then lost inside

one another,

gathering storm

whereby the reality of a certain

soul-framing outcome

would match the ache

our hearts feel

when alone.


~ just finding my way, a personal journey ~