Much To Say Little Reason

I feel I’d like to explode

the words will pour

feelings will bury the mind

in contemplative scrutiny,

the lunacy of the ludicrous

nature of acceptance

within the perfect structure

that is reason to disagree.

 

Yet I am alone with this fear,

this tension, this concern,

a need to vent,

remember getting your feelings out,

feel better after a good cry,

a good cleansing wrenching of our

internal demons,

or wait,

wait a second,

I’m almost done,

just one second please,

and I will finish that which

I began,

or perhaps

chose to not even getting started.

 

Right now, struggling with reason!

Wondering The Hemingway

The first time I read he died,

I thought it a plot line.

I wondered how could a prolific artist

make such a morbid decision.

I thought, characters, roles

in the book please

-real life, fantasy-

 

the strain of alcoholism is real,

as is,

the dangerous notion of

escape,

I am living proof.

He reached a level of proof he close to not deny.

I have walked through life with suicidal notions

the majority

of my life.

 

Most often the reasons are very real

mistakes I have made

a reputation of not meeting a standard

the simple notion of

exhaustion.

 

we all have a job to do

we all have a job to do

 

yet today I am worthless,

barely able to complete a sentence

and yet here I am

speaking to this society

– we are all warriors –

some lost in our own fear,

others drawn upon the beauty

inspiration provides a healthy life.

 

I don’t feel healthy today.

Someone told me recently I have

touched so many lives.

What happens that day they wake and reslize

I was trying to convince myself

more attempting to guide them,

and I realized, I lost.

 

what happens then!