I was listening to Van Morrison this morning and a song came on, one I have surely heard many times before in my life. Today though, it seemed to impact me differently.
…
“I must try to forget
Because I’ve got to live on
Oh, it’s a good thing, it’s a sweet thing (it’s a sweet thing)
To love someone (such a sweet thing)”
…
I tend to rely upon a lot of music to be my inspiration, to help me get somewhere, anywhere with my thoughts, my writings. I’ve been in love for quite some time now, yet today, I am at a crossroads because all the love I felt seems to have lost its resonance with the one person I care about more than anyone else in my life.
Here is the struggle.
I’m not supposed to be in love. I am supposed to move on. I am in a position where it is necessary to convince myself that these feelings I walk around with are unrealistic. There’s a word, a more definitive word I want to add but I will leave to the reader that describes how I have spent the last few years of my life. If nothing makes sense right now, it is because the confusion is my own, so just writing it down is hopefully helping me find some ground. To me in recent weeks there is truth in the reality of falling in love, and I have discovered truths about myself that are sometimes difficult to face.
The truth is my whole world has centered around being a romantic all of my life, and those rare moments when I could meet someone who shared similar instincts, I would easily find myself willing to sacrifice everything I believed in just to be with that person.
The truth is the positive energy I receive from a person whom I might share love with is a reason to live, it gives me hope, it lets me see the sunshine of a beautiful morning without having to explain why. Ironic, I woke in a funk today, and there was sunshine, and when my wife walked in the house she criticized me for not opening the blinds. I wanted the darkness, because here in the moment that was all I could feel. But that is not always the case.
I’ve laid on the ground watching the solar eclipse ever so faintly in a cloud cover with the one I love, and it didn’t matter we weren’t in a region to experience it completely, we could still imagine it as we watched the shades of the sky change and the greatest joy was that we were there together watching it, nothing else matter, in the moment.
The truth is I have experienced and felt love during a full moon. In fact, last night the two of us each sent pictures of the full moon to one another within minutes of each other. We know where our minds can be, yet, we cannot allow the truth to maintain the strength it has on our lives. To me, the truth is love and it always will be.
This is me trying to wrap my head around what love means to me in my life right now in the moment. Van Morrison brought me there this morning. Right now I’m listening to Tibetan chants and hoping it continues to bring me somewhere in this long road ahead of me trying to figure out the meaning of love in my life.
For now, love is truth.
Hurt the other
so the pain
might buffer the wane
that wonder of
why, how, when
whatever it might be
a necessary end
between two evils
meant to accentuate
beauty
for in elegance
in love
indeed that sweet resonate caress
is often found
the agony
we do wish to move beyond
… and we did that without a finish …
doors open to reveal this our illusion
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A little bit of me, with a little bit of you. A little of the old mixed with the new. A little too loud, a little too shy. A little grounded and a little high. A little bit of sad and a little bit of laugh. A little bit of evrything i carry in my heart. This is my blog that highlights other works, for my poems and musings please follow me on http://myshellecongeries.wordpress.com/
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