in that moment,
when I might know,
advances were of an innocent nature,
she cried inside,
not letting me ever see her pain,
yet I was the bewildered one,
now with a stain,
a lasting impression,
I would carry with me forever.
I suppose it is that patriarchal significance,
self-assured and callous,
anticipating the world to be our measure
yet in that quiet memory,
I do recall her laughter,
bring us to the top of the mountain,
just the ledge,
the ledge that kept testing balance,
would never have held us both.
In lasting memory,
I always do replay the moments,
and she would later,
have a confusion,
I can only hope would someday
turn a smile.
I remember my first time,
sitting on the banks of the river,
I wanted to,
I wondered if she knew,
There was this kiss then,
it wrote the book sorta speak,
I suddenly felt what it meant to
yet I was still scared,
sitting on the banks of the river,
holding my sweetie in my arms.
When I was a child I remember,
there was a memory of kindness,
a sort of rite of passage,
whereby she left me with a smile.
I remember wishful then,
the forever summer nights,
she laughed outloud
and we danced as forever might.
There is a quiet reality in love,
the dawning of an understanding,
that eternally above
all other conclusions must remain.
I remember the soft dawn of summer,
a child in a constant stir,
finding my reality,
I spoke of her until the autumn.
I would today respond to a soft
reckoning of a spiritual gain,
when life becomes the real,
sort of intellectual game.
I recall tender the night sky,
when in the cold autumn breeze,
our gasps created pictures,
we lived inside our dreams.
Why did it have to get so weird,
I loved you,
you spoke to me with blue eyes,
the two of us needed to be there,
why couldn’t I reach over and kiss you,
why did you tolerate my frozen persona,
couldn’t you go first,
help me out,
why can’t I put that vision out of my mind,
I keep seeing you,
your loose t-shirt so well accentuated the beauty
I always wanted
while you swayed before my eyes,
legs that tanned with the morning sun,
such delicious erotica was your smile,
why didn’t we,
why could we only wonder in our own minds,
and not speak out loud.
a sweet kiss on your cheek, my risk
perhaps yours too, yet I was …
well I didn’t know how you would feel,
then you smiled, my heart skipped, I laughed …
For when she walked away that night,
I knew love, something,
there was this special part of me –
you awakened me in the quiet of my restless world.
‘will you come up for a little while’
that standard set of words that reality that place
where a man wants to rest his body
that beauty of a woman’s invitation.
of course he wants to go up there,
he knows that when they are together,
the world will change, without any need to wonder,
she will open up her world to his eyes.
oh how easy that used to be,
when falling in love meant laying aside
any need to analyze the moment,
oh how easy it was to see her … beauty
‘I’ve been wearing these jeans for eight days,
they fit just right, don’t you think?’
Don’t you think, don’t ever think, don’t let your mind
interrupt this idyllic world of grace and harmony.
We were three floors above the rest of the world,
the door opened, and center stage,
her world, she invited me in, and we shared
our body, spirit, our demons and angels, our love.
sometimes memory just isn’t enough
when we touch we remember how much
we wanted each other,
I remember wanting you – right now.
When I reach the pinnacle of my desire,
every word sounds so right,
brings me back into your arms,
only yours, that summer,
that winter’s night when the snow
caused icicles melt with each kiss.
I remember twirling you on snow swept sidewalks,
both of us laughing in one another’s eyes, together,
nothing around us really mattered,
that is what love can do,
that is how a love song finds its home.
We did write music together if only for that summer,
when the nights seemed forever blue,
the stars brilliant in the glint of your eyes,
I remember when you cried, and I held you,
afterward the tears were real, meant something,
we weren’t playing with love as much as we were
realizing this feeling, this urgency to hold one another
this need to lead to that moment had suddenly become ours.
We sat with legs intertwined facing one another on the cool grass.
My button and then yours, my fingertips and your own,
our eyes watching each other and then glancing upon our hands,
we were nervous in love,
your shirt fell across your breasts
while your hands reached inside
traced your fingertips along my naked shoulders,
our eyes were wide with the beauty of who we are,
were right now in the hot summer’s night,
our eyes smiled as our lips touched,
bodies moved together,
our centers alive but off limits tonight.
we were simply practicing love,
not ready to fall, just yet.
I remember what left me more smitten
than all of my childhood yearnings,
when we would walk up the hill,
you would let me carry your books,
even though they were instruments,
a piece of you allowed to hold in my hands,
For you to recall such lovely time drawn
nostalgia gives me faith in reality.
I felt strong, and needed, and a little
wonderful then. That was so many years ago,
and when then, if I could realize
what I might understand now,
that there might be so much more beauty
than the painful reality of our daily blinds.
I think about that crisp night on the icy deck,
you held me, I melted just a bit, a happy
boy again, I cannot ever forget, just know,
I do love you as we all can be such
elegant and real human beings,
We do have spiritual guidance, in such,
soft quiet memory allows me to
stand with you again, your hug then surreal,
your cheek so real, when we did finally
say hello, again, in our long goodbye.