It is funny really, I’ve been writing here for many years now, and have gone through a lot of transitions, times where I realized I overstepped my boundaries and those when I found myself confused by the atmosphere of readers, followers, the blogger’s mindset. Only until recently had I been writing completely for myself. Oh, there are inferences, and there always be, that is the natural course of the human condition. We have to connect our lives, otherwise our loneliness will certainly drive us over the edge.
I was close to the edge, I still am; however, in a manner of speaking, I’m standing on solid ground again. I’ve never wanted to be a person thought of as one who would use someone else to their benefit, but I think sometimes when we get caught up in our perceived pain we become helpless. For everyone and anyone whom I have ever bothered, hurt, surprised, I give you my apology. For now, I will continue to soul-search openly through words that maybe someday will become chapters of an essay with interlaced poetry to keep the reader engaged.
What is refreshing is that I feel comfortable simply writing from the heart. I appreciate your audience. I wish you all a wonderful weekend.
I just got a text from a friend, he simply gave me a positive word. There are times when simple support comes unexpectedly. I didn’t ask him for anything, he just chose to send me a note and it left me in tears. I’m totally aware of my emotions lately, it has been a rough road.
I injured myself around a month ago, and am nearly recovered but it turned my world upside down – left me alone at a time when I needed some way to feel good about my life. I was on narcotics for a couple of weeks and said some pretty stupid things, and then overstepped my needs until finally coming out of a fog and realizing the losses I had just created for myself.
So today I’m reevaluating – moving beyond the lovely enticement of my words here and instead trying to wrap my head around who I am and why I like words, and what I want to do with them. I find myself still trying to fix things, and then realizing there are so many things to fix, some that I will never repair, and some I have no desire to repair. These are situations in my real life, not this online world.
I appreciate all of my readers because so many of you are passionate and caring people and what I do here the next few weeks, months will be to help move myself in the right positive direction keeping an open journal for readership. There is not one of you that has to read these words, simply move along if you are not interested.
For me, this begins my healing … a long process that while in the midst of it, I will continue to hold the love that is in my heart, and will feel no need to diminish the passion people to bring to my life. I do certainly appreciate the beauty of love. It is real.
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