Its favorite complaint
is not valid,
to imagine one’s pain,
is beyond another’s reach.
We are often more together
than what visibly
might be imagined,
while the construct of love remains.
To imagine solace
rather than feel it is easily
than finding the truth.
Oh to be your guide,
to let your body fall in grace,
into my own,
so the comfort of love remain.
Oh to know a solution,
to understand a helpless nature,
in the human condition,
to show delight in love.
A simple remedy is plausible
only to the sightseer
who has not trekked the craggy
landscape of a chronic sojourn.
We seek peace in the shelter of our lives,
far beyond the tantalizing nature of pain.
It is in the early morning, when waking,
I open my eyes, and see the invisible nature
of her memory, all I have
to hold onto,
is a quiet vision of when we could,
and now it fades,
I feel it in every waking moment,
without chance, I can experience loss,
time, people, change,
the world around me remains the same.
I want to hold back tears,
pretend it isn’t happening,
this deep inside, festering truth,
I don’t want the challenge,
no longer wish to imagine I could be wrong,
I only want what my body feels,
the ache, the longing, the yearn,
that forever was simple,
and yet now in the moment,
smooth jazz only makes me want to cry.
I used to think about the amazing touch,
her sweet harmony with my utterances,
lips breeze and tease,
search in tongue twirl like a melody,
we would play this tune,
we would play this tune,
we would, God help me, play this tune …
did keep my passion alive.
Oh it’s true, not simply a mockery
we often appear to be more cagey
I’ve carried the wounds of childhood,
in order to find comfort in that I would.
This life I lead is sometimes a travesty
I hurt people to benefit me, simplicity.
A long time ago, she seemed to agree
yet still today I haven’t a place to be.
I live in a bubble some might decide
if pierced life would surely need subside.
Yet, somehow I maintain an integrity
one that surely lives on in subtlety.
She is the maker of my dreams I swoon
though it is me shatters imagery too soon.
I wonder about this state of mind tonight
is it really all that matters or that might.
I can feel my body is resolute with despair
I cannot move from this place to there.
I wish that I could feel a sense of response
to rather know the pain than cause a ponce
I’m a quiet man inside my lonely mind
there’s far too much memory to remind.
I hope that time might heal the pain I cause
for as much as time for me does give pause.
I love to know that my life here does exist
for the need to disappear I then might resist.
She mentioned quiet,
he asked for more,
and then he realized they were together,
though he stepped further,
the waters crested and rather boldly,
he asked for more.
The distance between two points
can be miles beyond what we might hope for,
yet no matter how high the effort,
there seems always to be a dividing line,
a place where thoughts and notions and desires,
still remain the same.
So, tonight she is over there,
and I’ve chosen to speak to her here.
I don’t know how we arrived in this place,
I just know there is a a certain
reality in our words,
and I wonder if it is me that suggests,
time is forever.
I wanted to write about love tonight,
I still do, I’m struggling,
and I wonder sometimes along this journey,
if that is the process,
the goal, the outcome, the essential truth,
See tonight, I told someone my heart is in their hands,
I felt like we both knew,
we responded alike,
cried, sighed, tried laughter, it worked,
it always has,
positive energy –
yet, tonight, I’m sad, my tears are dry,
I don’t understand,
how love can suddenly become
Oh, trust me, I’m a romantic fool,
I get loss, and the rabbit hole,
I just didn’t anticipate hanging this far off the edge.
When while lonely,
what haven’t I known
a shuddering response to time
let me walk away
I wish to feel the moment,
each pulse of my world
envelop my pain.
I will shudder through
while all around me a blank slate
awaits a return,
a resilient body that for a time,
took a walk inside,
an internal mecca of soul-searching
Be surprised when the one you know,
might anticipate a slow unravel
suddenly finds dignity
in a place where only shadows follow.
My blue night is the wind and breeze
she follows my lead with peace.
I’m afraid I have to
let you go,
I’ve wanted to for a long while now,
yet always, I felt I could,
I might change you.
I was a fool
well, you already know
I just wish I had allowed you to tell me
long before I ever decided to figure this out.
I know in the morning I will cry,
we always seem to find tears when we decide
we are no longer going to feel pain.
That irony of not feeling when we cannot breathe.
I need to let you go,
I need –
if there might be some other way to say,
I just don’t love you anymore.
I don’t know if I ever did, I tried to think so,
imagine how hard I did try,
there were so many occasions,
yet now today it couldn’t seem more clear …
the long and enduring epitaph of a very selfish man
O I do not mean to confuse my endearment …